The Garden Trucka' LLC is a creative way to spread my Father's gospel, share my own message, heal my inner child and build a community I've always wanted.

Grab an iced latte, bestie. This will be a lot. But I need to share this testimony and I hope it can be a comfort to you.

I grew up near Chicago and could not fit in with anyone to save my life. I was very eccentric and ME. For that, I was bullied almost every day for how I looked, act or how proper I spoke. I would be picked on in class, the school bus, the neighborhood, by teachers, girls at church, my step father and my aunts. I started coping with the idea that I must have been created unlovable. 

You know how someone can have little to no self worth? Well, the bar was lower. I continued to internalize the treatment and negative words because I was convinced by all the word curses my dang self. I was made fun of, isolated, spat on, pushed around (literally pushed), etc. Girl...so much went on. In freshman year, my brother committed suicide and that was also a turning point that took a mental toll on me. In senior year, my dad was battling cancer and he stayed in the hospital a couple miles from the house. I would routinely walk to the hospital after school and see a man that was once my superhero, frail and non verbal. My dad unfortunately passed the following year.

I met my first love in college just a few months after my dad passed. With all my grief, unhealed trauma, and below self esteem, my thought process was 'How is it that someone everyone seems to love find interest in a nobody like me?'. I didn't like myself (clearly), so I attached my worth to whether he liked me for the day. No really, I was down bad. The man that helped me experience life outside my room eventually became my abuser. The childhood bullies that broke me daily turned into the final boss. I turned to drinking, mixing alcohol with pills and smoking marijuana as mental survival. Witchcraft became a part of my life which brought me deeper into a daily torment that became my new normal. My mind and body was more hollow than ever before. So much, that I remember being convinced my soul was trapped in another realm. I made an attempt on my life and thankfully wasn't successful. He sincerely apologized for his actions years after and was forgiven. We were both young and trauma bonding.

We separated and I went to live at my uncle's house and slept on an air mattress for a period of time. I was fighting myself from moving in with my mom in Florida because I felt my soul wasn't yet with me. I also internalized what everyone said about me in the past, so I believed my situation was all I deserved. By God's grace, I eventually had the strength to move from Illinois to Florida at about 25. I had an eviction (don't rely on a man), 2 car repossessions (girl, don't co-sign either), no savings and was sleeping on my mom's couch relying on her for transportation. I was going through spiritual withdrawals where my mind and body couldn't focus or relax. Regardless of my mental state, God's grace gave me a bit of ambition to work two jobs and go into truckin' school.

I became a trucka' at 26.

From my childhood and majority of my 20's, I was struggling to find who I was. I was seeking validation from anyone outside of myself because I was used to everyone telling me who I was supposed to be. I didn't know what I liked or disliked, let alone believed I had that choice in the first place. I was in my 20's with what I believe a mind of a kid in jr. high. So when I say I was down bad, I mean it with some base in my voice. I was spiritually bankrupt and gullible to different people, theories and ideas. I was trying to understand how to survive an adult version of me I couldn't relate to yet.

If ya' know, ya' know.

Then the frontal lobe said 'Hey, so yeah' at 30. I've reflected so much in my solitude as a driver. I finally got the hint that I must find happiness outside of people. Just keep truckin' and make life happen. I used to think getting into truckin' was a mistake because it only hyper focused that I never knew what it was like to not feel alone. I cried to sleep many occasions because all i've wanted since childhood was to be accepted by family or have my own community at least. In my truck, I started praying again and repented of everything i've ever done and held space for. I vowed to remain abstinent even if i'm never called to marriage. I also denounced my bloodline that inherited spirits caused by the witchcraft of my grandmother and great grandmother. I started fasting and truly forgiving everyone that broke my spirit...including myself. I still struggle with forgiveness here and there but boy was it worse.

It took years for me to realize that the truck is not a prison behind glass after all, but my greenhouse. I also realized that being myself wasn't God's punishment for existing. I was made to have my specific heart and mind needed for certain assignments. As soon as I fully understood these lessons, a metaphorical door of truckin' in Florida opened so I can be home daily.

 'It is complete.' -God

I was seeded here by the Gardener and the climate changes caused my garden to wither almost (thankfully, just almost) to death. I was uprooted and put in a greenhouse to be tended to again. This time, without the bugs and harshness of the outside. When I finally understood the 'WHY ME?', I was put back into the garden with stronger roots.

I get the anxiety of feeling like a late bloomer. Maybe you believe whatever you been through set you back from the potential you expected to reach at this point in time. Or you feel whatever happened to you that was out of your control determines today's self value. My whole childhood and 20's was a humiliation ritual that should NOT be televised. But that's how many of us feel, actually. Just because someone is good at showing sunny highlights of their life doesn't mean they have never been in a storm or not currently going through one. Who wants to show off the sky on a gloomy day?

Majority of my life, I've been rejected and treated as disposable. No matter what I said, how friendly I was, how much I stayed quiet, how much I gave, how much I people pleased...it was never enough. Not enough at school. Not enough at home. Not enough at church. Not enough for my managers and coworkers. Not enough for my cousins and aunts. Not enough for relationships. And at one point, not enough for myself. I'm here to confirm that you're not crazy for feeling it's you against everyone. Rejection from the physical world isn't rejection from the spiritual. Rejection from family isn't rejection from God, our Dad, and the angels. A life of rejection does not equate to lack of favor. You are set apart for a reason. Sometimes the world sees your annointing before you do. There's a high calling, a purpose, made just for you and a light that can't be dimmed no matter who and what tried. Once you understand that truth, that you are created to be separate and seek God, you'll understand your true belonging. Not within this world that our spirit is passing, but the Kingdom that the children of light were meant to rest in.

It's really hard to see through the terrible things that happened, but the purpose of the dirt you didn't ask to be in or grew out of can be used to fertilize the garden around you. The Garden Trucka' is just my eccentric expression of showing that the light from the SON didn't give up on my bloom season. So if the little girl that lived a life full of invisibility and rejection was able to blossom, no matter where you are in life, you are also due for harvest.

Profit contributes to my little sister's college savings, additional help with future foster care, serve as financial aid to single mothers, and used to fund care packages and essential giveaways for people in all walks of life for the reverence of my Dad. Your efforts blesses the community with an exchange of my homemade crochets. All purchases are well appreciated and used with intention. Make a difference and become a big sis/mentor for the list of waiting kids in your state (bbbs.org).